HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY, BITCHEZ!!!1!
But, seriously. Fuck Valentine’s Day. Not to be crude for crude’s sake, but sodomise it with a rusty piece of drainpipe and throw it off a cliff as a sacrificial offering to the gods of I Don’t Give A Shit.
Okay, that probably seems a bit much. But it’s the most namby-pamby, rubbish celebration we acknowledge in Western Society, and it really needs to be killed with fire.
For the record, I am not bitter and twisted about love and romance and relationships and all that jazz. That’s all fine. It’s just all this public schmaltz sort of makes me want to throw up. I mean, look:
I’m not entirely sure what that has to do with anything I have ever felt for anyone in my life … ever. In fact, I think, personally, giving someone a bear blurting out Bieber lyrics is the height of insulting. Is that really it? Is your special someone really so generic that you can sum up your love for them with a mass-produced stuffed toy and some cheap chocolate?